Fears
by wolfypuppypiles
Summary: Bozer asks Macgyver some hard questions about what exactly he hid from him all those years. Seeing Mac's scars brought out new fears that he didn't know how to face. (Also my ass hole little sister wants everyone to know she named this story. Here's your credit you shit. Love you)


Bozer sat on the couch, lunch in hand as MacGyver sat on the floor and worked on his motorbike. The young, aspiring film maker, was in a good mood until his best friend sighed, too hot, and lifted his shirt to wipe at his face.

His mood wasn't ruined because of Mac's bad manners, although he was always telling the man how hard it was to get grease stains out of every shirt he had, no his mood was ruined because of what was under the shirt.

Mac had been Bozer's best friend since they were children and he had thought he knew everything about him. Obviously, he now realized that Mac had been very good at hiding things, especially his job, but Bozer was reminded of even more secrets as he watched Angus.

"How many times have you been seriously injured on the job?" The question burst the bubble of silence and MacGyver looked up, confused.

"Where's this coming from?"

Bozer pointed to the shirt that was still tugged up in Mac's hand, revealing the scars hidden beneath. MacGyver nodded and sighed.

He had hated lying to his best friend and now that they were on good terms again with everything out in the open, he didn't want to bring back those feelings of distrust. He also didn't want to worry him. He shrugged and went back to his bike, hoping to play it off.

"What counts as serious?"

Bozers tone was getting on the short side and Mac knew he'd be able to tell if he lied or left something out. "Anything that landed you in hospital."

Mac winced a little. He never liked hospitals but in their line of work they were as frequent as haircuts. He tried not to look at his friend as he answered.

"A few times, but Jack always had my back and I'm still here and in one piece. You don't need to worry about it."

Bozer put his lunch down and shuffled closer to the blonde, face screwing up with disbelief.

"Yes, I do! When you went and joined the army I knew what you were getting into and I worried about you everyday, of course I'm going to worry about you now. Before I found out about your job, were you almost dying and not telling me?"

He was starting to sound more mad than worried and Mac turned to him, eyes pleading.

"I thought you said you forgave me?"

Bozer threw his hands up, getting more worked up about this than he had intended to.

"I have but I need to know this stuff! Were there times when you almost died and just didn't tell me?"

Mac looked back to the floor, unable to see Bozers hurt expression for more than a few seconds at a time. He nodded silently and fiddled with the wrench in his hands.

Bozers tone was hard.

"When."

Mac sighed again and stood, throwing his wrench with the rest of his tools, and picking up a rag to wipe his hands before he sat next to Bozer. This was going to be a long conversation. Wilt was watching him with equal parts, anger, worry and dread. It didn't make it any easier for Mac.

"You remember that time I went on a work trip with Niki and I was gone for a few weeks longer than I first thought?"

Bozer nodded, confused. "Yeah, when you came back you told me Niki died in the car accident. Of course, that was a lie."

Mac nodded and bit his lip.

"Yeah, well that mission was the one she faked her death on. And right after the bad guy fake shot her…he shot me."

Bozer froze for a second before blinking and asking in a low voice.

"Fake shot you?"

Mac shook his head and peeked up to look at Bozers expression. It wasn't good, he looked pale and scared.

"It was in the shoulder and Jack dragged me out of the water before I could drown. He was freaking out, and I was trying to get back into the water to find Niki. I spent a few days in hospital and then the next couple of weeks doing rehab before I came home."

Bozer nodded, lips pressed together. "You healed as much as you could before coming back to make sure I wouldn't know."

That had been hard, he'd been dealing with a lot but Bozer, of course, knew he was dealing with the loss of Niki, and had been too preoccupied worrying about Mac's head and to notice the way Mac didn't seem to like using his right arm.

"Was that the worst one? Was every 'extra long work trip' just a cover for you getting hurt?"

Macgyver looked up at him, quickly reassuring his friend who was becoming more and more upset.

"No, some of those were just really long missions. But…sometimes, yeah I did have to stay away till I recovered."

Bozers head was racing with questions. When he'd first found out about his best friend being a secret agent, he'd gone over every memory and tried to pin point the signs that he'd missed. Now he was looking for other signs.

Mac had often come home walking a little stiffly, making an effort to look relaxed when he talked to Bozer and not to flinch through his hugs. Questions started piling up in his head and soon spilled out, firing too quickly for Mac to answer them all.

"How many times have you thought you were going to die? Have you ever been tortured? Have Jack and Riley almost died? Have you killed people?"

Mac took in a deep breath. Some of those questions weren't ones he wanted to answer, but he couldn't lie.

"A lot, but it's part of the job and you get used to it. It's better to focus on how to survive rather than how hard it is to do so. Yes, a couple of times. Yes, but they're okay too, and…. Yeah, when I had to."

Bozer's chest was growing tight and his eyes stung with the threat of tears. He looked at Mac as he lifted a hand, fingers ghosting against the stretch of a scar along Mac's collarbone.

"You were tortured?"

Angus nodded sadly, he hated worrying his friend.

"It was only a couple of times and they weren't that serious."

"Torture is always serious Mac!" His voice was shaking and Macgyver could feel himself start to choke up. He had been held by some Russians the first time, starved and kept in a dark hole for days as incentive to build them whatever they wanted. He refused everyday till Jack rescued him, but he hadn't been able to sleep with the lights off for the next month. He told Bozer it was because of some sleep experiment he was conducting. Although that hadn't explained the nightmares.

Bozer forced out another question, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"What's the closest you've come to dying?"

Mac ducked his head, scrubbing a hand over his eyes to clear the blur of tears. He remembered the day he truly thought he was going to die. Jack didn't like to talk about it and Mac knew his partner still had nightmares about it, because he would occasionally come to work and pull Mac into a fierce hug, with no explanation, because none was needed.

His voice was quiet and he wished he didn't have to tell him. He fiddled with his hands, focusing on getting the grease out from under his fingernails.

"Cairo was bad but the closest I actually came was a mission in Bosnia. Jack was in a gunfight with terrorists and I was disarming the bomb. I got shot and it was bad but I had to stay focused, or we'd all die along with everyone within a four block radius. I got the bomb disarmed but I'd lost too much blood by the time the terrorists were taken care of and I was going into shock when Jack found me.

"I was so cold and Jack was screaming at me to stay awake. It was bad. I could feel myself slipping away…I said goodbye to Jack and told him to take care of you. I woke up three days later in the hospital. I flatlined twice during surgery."

Bozer cursed and choked on the lump in his throat. Tears fell down his and Macs faces and his words were warped with emotion.

"And I didn't know about any of it? Your heart stopped, twice, and I was just back home thinking you were in boring meetings? What was going to happen if you had died? Would Jack have told me the truth or would it be another car accident like Niki?"

Mac sniffed as he tried to control his emotions, but the truth was he didn't know what would have happened. He never liked to think about it.

"Protocol would have deemed the true nature of my… death to be classified. If I had died you'd be told some lie, but it would have been better than finding out-"

Bozer interrupted, hurt and upset. "What, that I didn't know my best friend at all? That you had been shot down by terrorists and bled out in the dirt? That you died a hero? I need to know if I'm gonna lose you Mac, I need to be able to prepare myself, I need to be able to say goodbye."

Mac shook his head, watching Bozers aching eyes and pleaded with him to understand.

"I know my job is dangerous but it's important. And Jack is always there protecting me. I didn't want you to have to worry about me. I know how hard it was for you when I joined the army."

Bozer wiped at is eyes. "I'm always gonna worry about you. It's hard, knowing that every morning I say goodbye, it might be the last one, but it's better knowing. Now I can take care of you when you get hurt, and… if something happened, I'd be prepared."

Mac hated the thought of ever leaving Bozer. He knew it was a very real possibility that he could die a young man, but it would kill Bozer and that killed him. Bozer choked on a sob and reached for his best friend, wrapping his arms around his neck and pulling him close.

"Just don't leave me okay? Do everything you can to come home. Promise me."

Mac hugged his friend tight and blinked through his tears, feeling Bozer shake against him.

"I promise."

Bozer knew he could never really prepare himself for losing Mac, and the mere thought of it made his chest tighten in panic, but at least he could savour every moment they had. Knowing their time could be limited just made every second of it sweeter. He vowed to never waste his time being mad at him, and never take his best friend for granted. He never wanted to lose the man that was so much like a brother to him and if all he could do to keep him safe was hug him, then he would hold on tight forever.


End file.
